Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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