it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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