see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
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Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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