I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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