Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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