You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's the barista slut.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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