A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
two words...techno handjob
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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