That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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