I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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