8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont even know how to be here
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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