I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize