He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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