go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Someone signed my nipple.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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