i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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