I'm so fucking centered right now
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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