Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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