wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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