She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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