OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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