I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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