Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
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Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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