I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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