Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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