I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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