Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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