At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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