my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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