are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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