at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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