i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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