paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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