I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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