I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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