Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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