Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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