Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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