I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am naked and annoyed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize