How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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