I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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