I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
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Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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