i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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