she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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