I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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