for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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