your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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