I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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