so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize