I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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