i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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