I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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