My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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